I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
