my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
