So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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