I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
