I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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