HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
