oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
