I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
