i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
