youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
