I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
