I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
