he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
