Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
