We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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