winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
