Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
