So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
