i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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