the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
