My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...