Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
