apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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