shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
