I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
