ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
