You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
