that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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