He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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