dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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