How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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