Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
