If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
