weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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