Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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