hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
