office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
