she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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