she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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