I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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