in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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