Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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