I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
