sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
