how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
