I can tuck mytits in my pants
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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