Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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