When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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