Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
