shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
