Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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