I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
