Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
