I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
