question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
