I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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