the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the raccoons are back...
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