New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize