Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
