So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
