we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
