If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
