If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
