Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
