I don't usually arrange sex via text message
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
